Off with her head!

This is a compilation of my most recent poems. They aren't meant to be ONE giant poem, but if it fits, then cool.

Listen close; its only for today

These wings were made to fly

Soar way oh so high

When rock bottom seems too low

Jump on the back of a doe

Kick off and shoot for the moon

Bcz you will be far above soon

Motivation is in the wind

Dont be discouraged and descend

Love and Live in the skies

Look down and only view the dandelions

No more pondering on the fallen trees

But gaze upon the high seas

Truly shoot ahead

Everything has already been said

Lolligag in the wonders that are upon you

As your wings gently coo

For everything bad is gone

Everything is cardinal

These shackles are cutting into my bloodflow

Cutting off the circulation of reason

Barreling into my heart a state of confusion

Causing a herd of wrong feelings to overtake the castle built inside me

That was originally suppose to protect me within it's walls, but is now overtaken by Sins

Greed has lengthened my fingers, pushing me to reach for more

Sloth is cutting at my ankles, forcing me to fall

Glutton has raped the opening of my mouth with drive to want

Envy is probing the outlet of my eyes

Wrath has puppeteered my arms to cause harm to any that dare

but they can only do so much, while true evil awaits to conquer my soul

Begging out for my inner guards to help

as my senses become aware of what lays ahead in the dungeon

I fight the good fight as I feel my thoughts being dragged

Bloodied and torn from fighting, my power is draining.

I can only hold back for so long, until they come for me

Maybe I can somehow get past this and regain my strength.

Desperately searching, praying for a distraction to slip past these dark, cold stones that once held such beauty and passion within them

I see a weakness, but is it a trick?

What if that weakness is within my heart?

A mirage clouding my vision

Warmth creeps up my legs, soaking into my chest

Light is slithering within the bars

Promising hope of safety

Take it, take it, TAKE IT!

Then it happens

Slamming of the door to meadows  brings realization that my dungeon of fear hs been my prison all along

Sneaky,sneaky,sneaky of you two

Four hands outstrretched, knowing I cant fight, I cant fight

The temptation of one and rightfullness of the other feeds my belly

I want it! I want them!

As my eyes turn a radiant Gold,

My form twist into an illusional beauty

Everything is overtaken, my old skin stripped from right

It is done, I am theirs. Forever.

True
Sinfully masked she is;
A veil to hide the weakness
of true insecurity
A beautiful smile she cast out;
Shadowing the weary eyes
of the all knowing
Entrancing-her hair drapes;
Distracting the look of seekers
from her ugly soul.
Is it truly ugly
or is that the wages of her atonement?

-The first one is something I wrote on a very positive day. I was influenced by one of the most remarkable women I have ever met: Morgan Parker.
The second one is based on my inner battle of wills and wants. Targeting my two major sins: Pride and Lust.
The third was inspired by how I am viewed by the people who see me on a regular basis. But who I am, really?

*Also I really love feedback-good or bad. I am always looking to grow as a writer. Don't be scared to tell me!

Where the grass is green & the girls are pretty

   March will mark the new beginning for StormyBooFbabyHunna.:D Not only will I be skinnier, but I will be embarking on my journey into a home with the most lovely of lovely Courtyfaccee:"{) -like my moustache?
   We have great plans from adorable decorations, wild drunk "video" nights & quiet reading sessions. Preferrably a romantic thriller cuddled up w Har-Har & a blankie (maybe a Mermaid. A Mermaid-Pineapple juice and Coconut Rum):::YUM.

     I have this major toothache that makes me wanna slam my head into a wall just so I can feel something other than this throb. It's my stupid molers. They do this every six months; allow me to go through some pain for a few days then disappear for awhile-never really moving or adjusting; just pain. Like a bitchhhh.

   With next week being New Years, I have a few party, party, party wyte gurl wayyysted events to attend that shall be rather fun. I heard a saying a good three years ago that was, "Whatever you do on the first day of the year is symbolic to what you will do the rest of it." I have tried to think back on this and see if it is accurate. Year '09 I was pulled over for my very first speeding ticket & I worked beer wall for the Outback bowl; I spent the year working my first job & ruining the 6 months my high school grades. Year '10 I went to sleep before 10 am and worked the whole day with my douche of an ex; therefore I spent that year making bad mistakes on guys and being lazy. Year '11 I went to church and then worked out; Of course I spent the year rebuilding my coreself and appreciating the people in my life more. I plan on going to Gaybor w my two boyfriends:), then a good ole country bonfire, so what does that mean you think?

Follow you heart always

-Expect problems and eat them for breakfast.
Alfred A. Montapert

 

I was thinking about how BAD I have slacked off on my diet due to the holidays & it hit me-New Years Revolution. Holy shitt. Every year it is SUCH a big deal to me to create a two list of three things I want to achieve. Why two list, you ask? Because one list is a list I can start immediately and achieve fairly early and the other is one that will have to happen over time.

So with this; why not make my revolutional list public? Wanna hold me accountable?!

Here's my first list that can be worked on immediately:

 

1.Lose an additional 15 lb by March (but continue striving)-which will put me at a total of -50 since last year.

2.Have everything for my new apt w the Bestie<3 & be moved in.

3.No matter what; strive at work.

 

Here is to the more longterm, work in progress list:

1.Be working on achieving another raise at work.

2.Be more invlolved in the people's lives that I love.

3.Hit my complete weightloss goal and start maintaining.

 

But of course, I am my own worse enemy and I sabotage myself on a daily basis. My mother tells me all the time. I absolutely cann ot approach this new year the way I did last year. I am better than I was.

-Side note; Stop dating the wrong guys, douchebag.

What if God was one of us

Another loose cannon gone bi-polar
Slipped down, couldn't get much lower.
Quicksand's got no sense of humor.
I'm still laughing like hell.
You think that by crying to me
Looking so sorry that I'm gonna believe,
You've been infected by a social disease.
Well, then take your medicine.

I created the Sound of Madness.
Wrote the book on pain.
Somehow I'm still here,
To explain,
That the darkest hour never comes in the night.
You can sleep with a gun.
When you gonna wake up and fight... for yourself?

Amazing song, amazing lyrics. I haven't listened to this song SO MANY times and even sang every word and never comprehended the full meaning til I read the lyrics. Damn. I think the lead singer of Shinedown reached into my soul & ripped out my madness. How did he know?!
Lately, I have felt a little out of control. There isn't enough time in the day. I think I live at work. Then at the same time I feel like I am constantly being watched like someone is waiting for me to mess up. This job means EVERYTHING to me. Like, EVERYTHING. It has opened so many doors for me and I can see a bright future, not to mention the things Phil & I have dsicussed. I just got to keep my eye on the prize. I just get soooo distracted. What if there were 36 hours in a day? That would be RAD. I cld sleep 10, work 9, gym & then a social life! YES! & not be panicking over "Am I skyping too long? I need sleep." I have to sacrifice somewhere. First it was my social life and here lately it's been my sleep. Ugh:/
But I cant HELP IT! I am just overstimulated by the internet & the power to virtually video chat! How did I ever live before Skype? lol
Like I have this awesome Australian buddy now. That would of never been possible before. (Hey Marek:D)
& I can keep in touch w my Marine Japan & other people I dont necessarily see on a daily basis or weekly.
Do you see my issue? I am over stimulated! Over communicated!
But then at the same time, I'm lonely.
Ugh, fuck that.
No, I am JUST FINE.
Or is that just the sound of madness? Am I infected by social disease?

What ever happened to simplicity? Granted, I have never been a simple kinda girl-I am quite complicated. I blame it on being a Gemini. I have this friend Deraven who is a Gemini to the core just like me. But he is a different type of Gemini. More of the outrageous side. I would like to think I am more of the controlled hothead. Thinking of it, I am really attracted to Geminis. Gina, one of my closest friends isa Gemini & I adore her bcz of her outrageousness. Japan is a Gemini & well...you know how that one goes. &&& there have been others. I guess I just really like Geminis. We are fun as shit. But fucked up. Or is that just me?
I'm glutton for Pain.

With winds stirs dust

I deleted my last two post a a few reasons. But do know this is my personal blog & I may say or do whatever I feel. If you don't agree then make an "I hate Storm Blog".

I skyped w one of my closest friends Gina lasy night & she always levels me pretty well. She is most definitely very dear to me. We have had our ups & downs but that girl is one of a kind. I feel this way about a few females. That's my problem, I care about everyone.

Anyhoo, she really helped me and didn't even realize it. I don't take amything for granted but I dont always appreciate people the way that I should. I tend to get sidetracked. I am very much ADD the older I become. People will come & go out of our lives & we have to venture into the unknown sometimes. Always keep an open arm but another fisted incase of strife.

-Now about my diet; I steadily at 12 lbs since I started the new one. that's -34 lb since January. I am not loosing as fast as I wld want to but that's my fault. I get so busy with work and stressed that I sacrifice the gym. It isnt the diet cz I am doing pretty well (minus the potroast  I had last night). I have felt sick last few days so haven't eaten much. I may just take the weekend to Carb up & then plummet back down to diet hell on monday. I think I hve deserved it, right?

*Two lessons learned in the past week.

Beauty Or Beast

I rather adore the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast, but it brings up a really good point. Majority of society really DOESNT look past the outer appearance. Sure, there are situations and a low number of people that genuinely do and are given the chance to see through the outer shell-but what is the survey number? Very low.
I have known ALOT of people who say it isn't "looks" that matter to them, but I beg to differ. & When given the chance to prove society wrong, they usually have an alternative motive. Money, advancement, pity; just a few to name. Hey; I admit to being one of these-that's for sure. Although, the more I thought about it, the worse I felt.
I meant a genuinely SWEET person a few days ago & all I could think was, "Man, his lazy eye is real creepy." He cldn't help it (well glasses) &&& the kind sir asked for my number. I declined, ONLY TO FIND OUT HE DROVE A CADILLAC CTS & co-owner of a dealership. Damn. I missed a good one.
Isn't that messed up? I was upset that I didn't realize he was loaded and no that I lucked out on a probabley awesomely good guy! This encounter really got me to thinking about the way people are viewed. I highly doubt I am alone in this.
Not to even mention myself, BUT think about it. I am a thicker girl & I understand preferences. Everyone has them. I dont like bigger guys. I PREFER skinny, stocky or built (& Tall<3)  I am a hypocrite cz I'm a big girl. Can you imagine the guys that will open up to me once I lose weight? That is NOT my goal, but just something to ponder. Will my taste in men change? Will they guys who drool over me now, not like me then? I will still be just as Gorgeous, if not MORE! lol.
Honestly-If you cant like me fat, you wont have me thin!:D

I bet he would understand a heart like mine

I heard Jesus drank wine. Does that make it cool for me?
I weighed in yesterday, only a lb:( Not too happy, but it was a rough week all around. It's amazing how I hold things in. I must really take after my father more than I knew.
I miss Mo.
Maybe that's part of my issue last week, I just wanted her, you know? [still do]
Anyhoo, I have to focus on my goals at the moment. I let them slip & I have to stop that. I AM SO PISSED I ONLY LOST A POUND!!!! I thought I would drop quickly-its my own fault though, as always. I am a whole - 9 lb in three weeks. That's 3 lb a week average but that isn't going to get me anywhere near my goal by the time I get my apt! I cant seem to decide between 50 or 80 lb. I want to be comfortable, but I have NO CLUE what I will look like 50 lb less. I am just shooting for whatever makes me physically comfortable. A size 12 jeans would be rad:D I am possibly going to lose my boobies:( No Bueno! Depending on my insurance, I may just get surgery-I may need to with skin. If I am going to kick my ass and drop the weight, I think I earn surgery lol. No implants though, just a lift.
       -This "No boyfriend til I drop my weight" sucks too. I mean-there are plenty of potentials & ponies BUT I cant help but miss & think about certain ones &&& I cant stand it. :(((((((((( At the same time though, I don't need a man to make me complete & that's my whole point to this stand I am taking. I'm single by choice bcz when the right one does come along, it will make it all so much more worth it. I don't even know if I believe in marriage for my generation. I want what my grandparents had, but that's a fairytale & I don't believe in fairytales. I want what country songs are made of.  If the "right one" does come along,then he will have the power to change my mind.

[Off topic BUT I just had a conversation in regards to pity with a coworker & it really got me thinking...Why? Why pity? Pity does NO GOOD. It just makes the person feel even more down. People need love, support, & a firm kick in the ass!]


So here is to FIVE LB THIS WEEK! :D

Devour-its your final hour

I am stuck in this weird Shinedown obsession. Every song of theirs speaks to me. I swear I am not riding the purple fairy, just they are really amazing. I can honestly say Nickelback's post 2010 stuff is my favorite but Shinedown just gets me. Their remake of Lynard Skynard's "Simple Man" just chills me to the bone. The Crow & the Butterfly, Devour, Diamond Eyes-they are so good it makes me sick! Especially Diamond Eyes. With my recent exploration of dating\talking to military men, that Boom Lay....Mmmm. it makes me insane! If I am in the car, I look like a handicapped Walrus from my ancient warrior arm dances that you can only do while sitting in a car. If I am in my office, I jam out with my eyeballs cause  I can't allow my fellow coworkers to spy on my ancient dance-they may want to learn it!
Had my cheatmeal yesterday, then had a lovely date with my bathroom shortly after. I guess the strength of my stomache is weakening. Gorging on fajita's and brownie sundae is not recommended when you are 20 minutes from home. My mother likes to try and tell me things while I meditate, painfully. Isn't she a doll?!

[My neck hurts today. I think it's the repetitve position I have to sit in for work.]


OMG, their song "Her name is Alice"-OMG!

I had someone call me concieted this weekend, bcz I am not only blogging about my diet and weightloss but I am recording it on fb. What is wrong with that? Not only could I potentially be an inspiration to girls like myself but I am also publically held accountable for my success or failure. It can keep me in check. I am very competitive and I am competing with the public to succeed. I see no reason not to and to call me concieted...well honey-you are just jealous. Soon I will be smaller than you & that shall give you an even bigger reason to be a bitch. I don't like being mean, ever-but talk shit, get hit *Hustler*

Possible outcome-Jordin Sparks

NEGATIVE EIGHT POUNDS!

  My future husband once I hit my weight goal! I'm not sure if I have made this public knowledge but I plan on staying single until I hit my goalweight. Due to, my view on relationships, myself and guys will change. Granted having a facebook status of "relationship" is nice & all but too many people (including me) settle. I am done with settling. I want exactly what I want & I am not budging this time. I know alot of really sweet guys and good looking ones, but they just aren't him. God has my back. He will take care of me if I take care of me. Which is what I am doing.
:D so to all the people who actually read this, we can do this. We are strong. We are beautiful & we are one of a kind. We deserve what we want. Stand with me & make a difference.

8 days slugger

Today marks my 8th day. I happened to weigh in yesterday & I lost 5 lb:D Go me, right??!! Downside, everytime I weigh in if it isnt 5 lb or more I wont feel as accomplished. 5lb a week would put me at 4 months to lose 80. 80 is a MAYBE. I dont know WHAT I will look like at that weight or even 60lb. I havent been that small since I was like....13?! Dang.
I am unusually down today. I could possibly name a few things that have put me in this mood, but honestly I just don't know. It could be this diet but I just dont know. I feel so unloved today. I want to just sleep.
have you ever just wanted to be hugged for a few minutes and told sweet nothings? That's me today. I keep asking myself what could possibly make me feel better and put me in a better mood, but what I imgaine won't be happening anytime soon. I really dislike writing or allowing others to know I am down, bcz it gives people the sense of superiority. Showing weakness is never a good strategy, but I honestly don't care at the moment. My happy face is slowly falling today.
Btw-Protein shakes: the colder, the better.

Let it Rain

As I daydream about my future body, jamming to FloRida's "Low", I have a realization. I am really crude, vulgar and innapropriate. I mean, professionally I know the limit and how to censor but as soon as I leave this icebox of an office, the beast is unleashed!
Not really a beast, but you get what I mean. It isn't that I am a hellion or some God hating Atheist. I am actually the complete opposite. I love God and I try to do right, so then why am I so rough? My family is sorta the same way, but not to my extent. I can throw the F-bomb easily without thought. My favorite saying is SOB (Thanks Dean Winchester from Supernautral)
I just DONT like to fake my personality and being "crude" is just apart of me. I have a best friend-love her too death- that is so cute and proper majority of the time. (I must drive her nuts) Then there's Courty, she's exactly like me in mannerism, lol.
Do you think I am too much?

Day 4 of misery

FML.
   I am currently on my fourth day of starvation. (I am not really starving, just feels that way) In truth, I am eating every 3 hours BUT IT ISN'T WHAT I WANT to eat. I think I would kill for McDonald's Sweet Tea and a Double Cheeseburger w no pickle and no onion. Mmm, get in my belly.
Hm, maybe I should explain.
Hello, my name is Stormy & I am a ferociously sexy 21 yr old. One problem: I am a tad chunky. I have been my whole life. I blame my Granny and an undying obsession for Nestle chocolate milk. I decided to begin documenting my experience because this could end up being hilarious or life changing.
I always hate the first entry to a blog or diary. It can dictate the tone of the blog, which in truth-that changes daily, because we as people change daily.
I have this ridiculous picture of Khloe Kardashian in a bikini on my wall that says "Wanna be Fat or be That?" She looks pretty sexy in it. right now, that's my motivation for when I am at work and growing weak.

I want a fucking Pepsi.