Take 2 Rant

Angeles

Hope

Hope. 

I feel like this is all I have ever had. It's been the blanket wrapped around me, that holds me at night and whispers, "It'll be okay. You are strong and tomorrow is a new day." Hope has been my companion, my safety. Hope has held my hand and guided me through some mucky water-all the while reassuring me that things will work out. Hope know me, knows my deepest desires, my deepest fears-Hope is my everything. If I can't rely on Hope, who can I?

Hope helped me through my childhood as a fat, taken advantage of, lost child; she has wiped away my tears in the lost of so many loved ones and cradled me to sleep when I felt alone. I need her, I need hope.

Hope in my self, in my abilities, my sense of choice-Hope that I can do it. Hope in that my life will be okay, that things will work out and everything happens for a reason.

I am loosing hope, I'm loosing her.

I've been here. I know this girl. This sad, lonely but stubborn girl. The one that goes "fuckit!" and the one that never lets herself feel with anyone. She doesn't care and just does. She wears dark makeup, texts all night, drinks too much...hits 'em and quits 'em, speeds, listens to loud rap-she's alone. So alone.

Alone. A.L.O.N.E. Not that she doesn't have plenty of loved ones-she just doesn't have him.

Him. The meaning of having a meaning. The rise and fall of the sun. Him...

I had him...then he left me like they always do. Always. Now booze holds me at night. He left me with Hope, hope that he may come back.

I'm scared...scared for the first time ever in my existence of having Hope. What if she lets me down? Leaves me dirty in the dark and all alone with no one....no one.